Until He calls me home, I'll go DEEPER STILL

This past weekend I had a phenomenal time bonding, worshipping, and learning from the very best with the very best! The new church I have been attending, Parkside, has been more than a blessing to my growth and journey with God! I have had the privilege of listening to Priscilla Shirer and Beth Moore, not only that but I was able to learn from these two women in an abundant and life changing way! Now, I don't mean that it was crazy intense (although some points really were) but it was something so simple and small that will be used in a great way in my daily life. If you know me well, then you already know that I look to Beth Moore as a (distant but close) mentor! It never fails that whether I'm watching her from my computer or a seat in an auditorium called Freedom Hall that I learn from her in any circumstance that I'm in with life! If you have never heard any of her stuff I would highly suggest that you at least give her a try! She is such a blessing upon my life! Priscilla Shirer is a new leader that I will looked towards, just like Beth! Priscilla is another woman who tells it how it is and teaches straight from the heart! She is also a mini comedian while she gets to speak her mind!

Here are a couple pictures from this weekend... not the best quality but no picture will ever capture what these women did for Parkside's Women Ministry this weekend! Thank you so much for your love and Christ filled hearts ladies, and for all that you've taught me and will continue to teach!

to speak or not to speak... is that the question?

There are parts of this topic that I myself have personally been effected by and other parts in which I am still tormented on a daily basis with. I hate that is has taken me this long to realize how strong my passion is about this until someone asked me this weekend, "... don't you think the Church should speak out about this more?" Ever since I was asked I can't get it off my mind and it quite frankly has made me angry that I haven't said anything or that the Church doesn't say anything because it is a "touchy" subject or that people are just too afraid to offend someone. I've come to realize that if I do offend someone then it's probably a good thing because they've actually thought about the subject.

Body dysmorphic disorder. Anorexia nervosa. Low self-esteem. Bulimia nervosa. Low self-confidence. Eating disorders. Depression. Body image issues.

Some of us deal with only one, some of us have dealt with more than one, and sometimes more than one at the same time. It is a common attack among women, especially those in the teenage years. For me it seems like it has effected me my whole life. I have tried to cover my problem with so many things and no matter how much my weigh drops down, I will never, NEVER beat my problem if I don't ask for help... God's help. I am not, nor is anyone else, made to crave food. I am made to crave Christ. How is that so hard to understand for girls these days? Why is it so hard for me to get it in my head?

'On the road to beautiful' is a journey that will not end until I reach my goal of Christ, in the flesh, face to face. The actual song "On the Road to Beautiful" is one of my favorite worship songs but one of the lines that resonates with me the most is "teach me how to cling to you, with all my life and all my love..." It is something that I really truly desire for my life and I would love for it to be seen from everyone except for just me. I would hate to have to say that these issues are something that I will have to deal with for the rest of my life but I sure hope I won't have to! It's something that has gotten the best of me at times and has most definitely won but there are also days when I realize the only way to win is to give it completely over to Christ! He is my Champion, He is Life!

So lets not stop talking about this with our children, friends, and youth. Let them be offended, let them know how much you care. Now, I'm not saying to ask them about it every day but to just show them that you care... speak truth in love! This is something that should be talked about and you would be surprised as how many people deal with it. I'm sure this won't be my last post on this subject so stay tuned friends! For now... enjoy your journey! :)

wow... it's been over a year... oops!

Yikes, over a year since my last post! That is just utter craziness and cannot happen again! After updating my new little summer design, I'm back in full swing and ready to enjoy the things I once loved... again! :) I'm sure you've missed my little postings of thoughts and updates that are of non-essential importance haven't you? Well I'm back to share some recent thoughts and more of my passion which God has placed in my heart.

It hasn't been easy, but when is it ever been easy? Working in jobs we don't like only because the pay is quite hefty and the reward is... well there is no reward, just a bunch of monetary things that quite honestly get us no where. It doesn't matter if I buy the "right" clothes, find the "right" guy, find the "right" job, make the "right" impression. In all reality "right", like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder; which really can make things complicated. When it comes down to right and wrong, what is the truth? When it comes to determining whether someone is beautiful or hideous, what is the truth? Now, some would say that giving you the answer would be like taking away the prize at the end of the line but for me and you, it's just the next piece to the puzzle. The truth that I have found relevant in my life is Jesus Christ. A faith that has been around since far beyond my comprehension. Jesus Christ is the one and only source of truth in my life. So this leads me into my next line of business...

Beauty. As I was driving home one night, not too long ago, I was thinking of this and the title of my blog and also how I hadn't posted in a long time and how I should probably make a new goal of posting more often... anyway... I was thinking "hmmm, why did I ever choose the title 'On the Road to Beautiful...' apart from the fact that it is an awesome worship song?" Then it struck me that it was never about me becoming beautiful, I have always been beautiful. Before my Father made me I was already beautiful. It was the part where I had to accept it that got me to the title of this blog. Now, if you know me or if you even know me at all, you know that the word "beautiful" and me have never been put into a sentence and come from my mouth in my life. Maybe in consecutive sentences but most certainly not the same. Amazingly enough, I'm going to try to change that. See, for those of you who don't know me all that well, I have struggled with body image issues and just myself in general. I was the girl who didn't really like to go outside and get dirty or play outside, I liked to stay in and play with my Mom and watch whatever was on t.v. I also was the girl, and still am a little bit, who vowed for her father's attention whenever she could get it. I was a girl who lost the translation of the word beauty.

Beauty. In my life today, that word is being redefined and redeemed from the one who stole it away by mind games. Now, I'm not saying that it isn't a struggle and that it will go away instantly. I do believe however that I will struggle for the rest of my life to get my mind in a spot where I don't have to worry about the word "beauty" every single hour of every single day. My hopes are to walk by a mirror one day and not wince at it or to roll my eyes at it but to really give God back the blessings and the glory for giving me a perfectly capable and (semi) healthy body. No longer will I vow for my father's attention, but I will praise my Father for a wonderful and fearful work He has done in me and to Him will be all the glory, honor, and praise.

But for right now, in this present moment I'm just a princess of the Most High King who is on the road to beautiful...