If only life had a fast forward button...

So much has happened and it has happened so fast! So many ups and downs recently in my life and all that I can do is hold on to God in seasons like these. One of my friends just continues to bring me down in life and I think it is time to let her go. It is going to be hard but it has to be done. My best friend is not sure what he wants me to be to him, more or less, and I just wish life had a fast forward button so that I can know what our answer is to each other. My roommate who is my best friend, now more than ever, feels more of an aquaintence and I just want things to be better. I passed out in my bathroom a week ago and I am not feeling the greatest now. I have been having dizzy spells to the point of loosing almost all of my control of my body. I am stressed out because of finals and at this point I don't know that I really care if I pass or fail. I just want to be home, I want things to feel right, I want to be with him. BUT, it is always in God's time and in God's hands. It is not my own decision and it most certainly not his and not yours. Do not define life by what you want out of it, define it by what God wants to give you. I don't want to go home, I need to be home but I don't want to be there. I cannot explain the feelings I have right now... I don't know that God has me exactly where He wants me yet. I guess we will have to see! Transferring just might be in my future... you never know what God is going to do next!

Freshman 15

It has always been said that when freshman go off to college they always seem to gain about 15 pounds, if not more! Well I am here to tell you that I will not be gaining that 15 pounds, as a matter of fact I will be loosing that 15 pounds! It is one of the many goals I have as a new college student!

This week I finally got to my weight watchers meeting, with my new leader Cheyrl came an interesting meeting! I had a lady who made it to goal, now all she has to do is "weight" out the six weeks to see if she can become a lifetime member! It's so encouraging to see people like that who are determinded. I'm telling you right now that when I make it to my goal weight (to loose 100 pounds) I will not give up, because then I'm free! Free of paying that is, not of loosing weight. It has been a continuous struggle for me and it forever will be, but now that I know what I'm doing and having the mindset of "I CAN" then I can accomplish this with Christ by my side!

God has been doing some amazing things in my life that I just can't explain! It is absolutely amazing at how great our God really is! Along with the rough summer that my family and I have had to go through, God has given me an amazing gift; to be at peace with death! I fear no evil, for He is with me! He is with me, until the end of time!

My Aunt had been asking me about a song that, at the end, had a little child reciting bible verses. She would say to me, "It goes like this, 'the Lord is my... blah, blah, blah and He will be exalted,' do you know what song I'm talking about?" I would always respond with laughter and wonder saying, "No, I don't have a clue what you're talking about, haha, sorry!" Until last week, I found the song! It was such an exciting moment, I had been feeling very down, it was right after my great uncle passed and it just gave me so much encouragement! The song was by Lincoln Brewster, the title is Everlasting God. It is a beautiful song and in a time of death and grieving I found comfort and strength! God had held me in His arms, I had wanted to be strong for Him and not let him see my hurt, yet He knew and felt my pain. I can just hear Him saying now, "here my child, this is for you; because I know and love you, I'm giving you this gift so that you will know just how much I love you!" Simply... amazing!

God has also put some things on my heart to help me fully understand the plans He has for me! Being single just looks like it's in the cards for me right now, I am at peace with that because God is my all. I most certainly do not need a human male to satisfy my wants and needs. If I give my all, it says, then the desires of my heart will become God's and God will give me those desires. It gets hard to listen to God somedays and others are just so easy! He wants me to give Him my all, because He gave His all for me. THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE LOVES ME! He loves me, He loves me more than anything else because He created me and because I am His. I am His bride, I am His child, I am His love, I am His passion! I AM HIS! By God's grace I am saved and by His will and strength I will remain single until He brings me more than a man!

Oh, and by the way, I lost 6.2 pounds at Weight Watchers. That is covering the whole first month I've been here! Kim, my leader from NKY, you will never be forgotten, you are the one who has helped me this far. Now I have flown away from your WW nest! So far, so good!

Love to all and God bless!

Suite 128

Whoever said 'a picture is worth a thousand words' was a very wise person. Suite 128 is most definately a room worth more than a thousand words! Kristen, my amazing roommate and I decided to go to the greatest store on earth to find decorations for our dorm... THE DOLLAR STORE! If you ever need simple supplies, or just random things, The Dollar Store is where you should go! Kristen and I had a blast looking for things and even more fun putting it up! Hopefully you all will get to see them! It is so much fun!
I have to say I do miss one thing about home, it's something that every person can't live without! Something that everyone LOVES... I miss... THE FOOD!!!!! No lie! That's it, sorry family but I do love you guys so much! By food I guess I should add that I miss the whole experience, eating the fresh jalapeno's at Moe's with my favorite family ever (The Redfields) and the HUGE potatoes at McAlister's... I almost wish I still worked there! ALMOST, I said, don't forget to read that very important word!
I'm so very proud of how close my family have been just over the past 4 months! I'm proud to call you my family! I'm even more proud to say, "look at these pictures my family sent me!" Believe it or not, I'm the only one who has gotten pictures from my family! Yes, I did laugh at all of them, but even more I really just wanted to ask... WHO DOES THAT?! Just kiddin' I loved them!
I have already made two trips to JAMBA JUICE, with many more to come!!!! Just had to boast a little!
The Trinity campus is so amazing, I was so uncomfortable coming up there and now I don't know where else I would be! Anywhere and anytime I go somewhere I am always greeted by someone! I love all of my classes, it is hard though. I have gotten back two quizzes already with not so good grades already! I did get my first paper back with the highest grade on it (check plus)!!!!! I have been keeping up on my weightwatchers and working out, for anyone who would like to know! I am NOT giving up on myself! Those of you who are 'encouraged by me' (so my mom says, though I don't know that its true) have kept me motivated! So, thank you! This is my lifestyle, not a diet! My roommate forces me to go when I don't want to, which is a blessing to have someone to go with me and encourage me! I am actually like her personal trainer, whenever I do something she's says, "oh, what is that? Will you help me do 'this' or 'that'?" Or she will ask, "help me to eat better! PLEASE!" Of course I don't object from all of the times Ryan Meo kicked my butt! She does wake up sore somedays, as did I and I still do!

*Mom: Emi had to put her BOOTY back on, but we are decorating it for her so that it makes her feel good about wearing in an extra two weeks or so!

**To my family: I know this has come to a shock to our family once again but just remember to keep strong in your faith! I can't say that I am sad, about either of these deaths. Let me explain: I find it amazing to know that both of our men are up in heaven probably saying, "I BEAT YOU!" Which is no fair, because I so badly want to be with my Savior, Jesus Christ! I can't say I'm not sad, but what a blessing that they get to spend eternity with our SAVIOR! It may feel like an eternity for us down here, but it's only a second for them! Paul wrote to the Corinthians: ..."Death has been swallowed up in victory." "Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?" The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But THANKS BE TO GOD! He gies up victory through our LORD JESUS CHRIST. Therefore, my dear bothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you... chapter 15 v. 54-58 (with my own revision)

I love you.