Sigh of relief

On many notes.... One being my blog actually looks the way I want it to!  Now I won't be changing it until the fall.... Unless I get bored with it :)  Cute, huh?  I even have my buttons over here on the right!  YAY!  Super excited!  Hope you enjoy my renovation! Sorry for the mess before!

Now, on to the blogging:

My momma made it awesome thru surgery and recovery and she will be starting her radiation here soon!  NOTICE I didn't say CHEMO.  Thats right people, NO CHEMO!  God is ever so faithful to all those who have been on this prayerful journey with my momma!  Mom and I aren't taking this "cancer" thing too lightly.  We've been working out at least three days a week, I would love to ramp it up to five which I just might do this upcoming week!  So proud of you Momma!

On the weight loss subject... I will be... umm.... (*said with extreme hesitation*) posting my BEFORE picture on here so that you and I can see my progress!  This is a journey I need help on and want help on, especially when it comes to Jesus, because He is the only one who can ultimately change me.  My mentor Kristen has been a huge help to me on starting to find my daily victory with struggle of self-image and weight loss.  In talking to her the week before Christmas, while wrapping presents and chatting with her, I came to a HUGE realization for myself.  I can NO LONGER talking to those who struggle with food, as much as I do, about my addiction.  It gets me no where really, really fast.

So my resolve is to go to God first in hopes that I may be patience enough to discern His calling and second go to Kristen.  Why have I chosen Kristen to go to?  Well I didn't exactly choose her.  I would love to say that it was all my doing but it was really all God's doing.  God placed Kristen in my life as I had stepped into a women's bible study at Crossroads and sat down at the table with Kristen as our "leader".  From the moment I met Kristen, I felt that God had given me a "sigh of relief".  Little did I know that, that very "sigh of relief" moment would change my life and lead to many more sighs of relief.  Throughout the rest of our bible study time together I started watching her wonderful, energetic, and loving four children; each who, might I add, have a completely unique personalities and flare to each one of them.  Kristen is a person who I see as one who God intentionally put into my life for such a time as this, and while I hope it will be for a long, long time I know that maybe it won't and for each moment that we share together I drive away cherishing each word she has imparted upon me.  Kristen doesn't struggle with self-image like I do, she doesn't struggle with body-image like I do, and quite frankly Kristen doesn't get what I exactly struggle with (not that I could really know any better) but that is the point.  Kristen is God's eyes in human form, she sees (from a woman's perspective) how I could struggle with it and helps me to achieve victory in these areas (and MANY more), she sees me for who I am and sees the sin I am in and shows me through God's Word how to turn back towards God.

So while I'm telling you my beginning steps I'm also wanting to say thanks to Kristen (and Dave, they've been like spiritual parents to me and I'm thankful for you too Dave).  Thank you from the bottom of my heart, soul, and mind for being the very person I needed all along to help me see myself through God's eyes. Thank you for letting me love your kids!  It's a joy and honor!

Another resolve of mine is to see myself through my husbands eyes.  I don't give him enough time or credit for the ways in which he loves me but he still tries though my attitude isn't the greatest every day.  I hope that I can give back my best to you, love, every single day.  I hope that I can start seeing myself through your eyes ... beautiful and free.  This journey that we're on hasn't been so easy but we're doing it and I wouldn't have chosen anyone else to walk through life with, except you... and Jesus!  There's not a day that goes by that you don't tell or show me how you love me or tell me that I'm beautiful!  Here's to walking towards spring together! :)  You are my constant "sigh of relief" in this season of storms that we're in.  Aaron, along with the rest of the world (including myself), doesn't get why in the world I am the way that I am but thank goodness he continues to help me, even when I don't know what I need help on!  I love you forever and always, no matter what happens!

And one more thanks to my beautiful friend Arielle who took these breathtaking photos, I don't know how you do it but I'm sure thankful you did! Check out my friend at Arielle Elise

Team Chesla

Today will be long, it will be difficult, it will be a blessing.

As I have continued to run through the muck of this weight loss journey I find myself, more and more, leaving my excuses at the door and running towards health. With my Momma's recent diagnosis of breast cancer I can't go one day without thinking how this will affect me for the rest of my life and, Lord willing, our daughter's life! If there is one truth to be said about this journey it would be that The Lord is ever faithful and full of blessings.  My children will most certainly hear of the legacy of the Lord's strength in our lives and especially the life of my sweet momma!

I've struggled a lot lately with my relationship in Christ - now when I say that I don't mean with believing in Him but rather allowing myself to be used in the most extraordinary way possible and letting the Holy Spirit who lives within me to actually live THROUGH me! I would beg to say that for me it is easy to believe in God but to let Him live through me is another subject. I wouldn't say that I'm scared I would say that I feel unequipped and useless... That my friends is a BIG, FAT LIE!  God has brought our family to this moment for a reason, He would not bring us to this if He hadn't given us the strength to go through it!  My prayer would just be that I continue to equip myself and make myself His servant!

So today as I sit here in one of the most emotional places filled with death, life, pain, joy, suffering, and fear... I feel immensely blessed! Yes, waiting five to six hours for my mom to lose her biggest assets :) will feel like forever but honestly I feel at peace knowing that God is in control and that I am not... Thank the good Lord! Yes, seeing my momma in a completely different way, physically, will be difficult but she is still the same faithful person that God has loved for all eternity!  This is only the beginning and we have immediately come into a place of being "lifers" in advocacy for breast cancer!

This journey of weight loss and breast cancer will be a lifelong journey that I will battle.  I cannot do it without God who will continually refine me, and others, through the fire - and for that I am so grateful that the Lord loves me enough to continually help me to grow with Him and towards Him!

May whomever we come into contact with on this journey be blessed by the way the Lord has blessed us!  Thank you Lord for the freedom to love you with all that I am and all that I have!  Thank you for the people, church, and community that have continued to surround us!  Your love is abounding within us!  May we plant a seed, help water and grow, or see another abide in You!  May we all remain in You so that You may remain in us!  May we be anchored by grace so that hope may dwell within us!  You give and take away - I have always desired for my heart to continually say - blessed be Your name!

Feel free to pray for me on this journey, my momma as well, not only for breast cancer but health for both of us!  Don't hesitate to let us know!  Thank you for all your prayers so far!

Love, Ellie!

I LOVE YOU MOMMA!

Changing my "f" word

"Wow... this may be controversial to talk about", you may be thinking.  Don't worry it's not that word!   Goodness gracious!  My "f" word is "FOOL".  For years and years I have fooled my way through eating and now is the time when I have realized that I need to give it up.

Recently I had a conversation with my Momma about weight loss and what we were going to do about getting our weight off.  Through the course of the conversation I said something that really struck both of us... "No, I need to FUEL my body, not FOOL my body."  As of a week ago I started what will be my final and forever journey on Weight Watchers (or as I affectionately shorten to - WW) since I started in September of 2007.  No one forced me into it and no advertisement made me want it.  I wanted it and I realized how much I NEED IT.  Forever.  

For me, as I have explained before, this is my life long burden to bare.  In saying that I do not mean by any stretch of the mind that I have to accomplish it all.  This time I have to accomplish it with Jesus and on a daily basis.  DAILY BASIS PEOPLE!!!!!  Yes, it is a hard task but just like any other follower of Christ I will accomplish it with Him and Him alone.  He is the only person that I can make it possible for me to surrender on a daily basis.  It won't always be as hard as it once was but it will also never be easy.  In this whole process I will join with friends and share struggles and successes all while gaining victory through Christ.  My meetings are like AA meetings for Alcoholics, but ours is just OA for Overeater's Anonymous.

As of about a month ago I gave up... GULP... Peanut Butter or any other kind of nut butter.  It was a daunting task but it was also necessary.  It was a cold turkey FUEL not FOOL moment.  I could go through a jar of peanut butter per week.  Now, when I've told other people that they usually reply with "well like a little jar or one of the Sam's pack jars?"  Does it matter... a jar of peanut butter is a jar of peanut butter... but if you must know it was a regular jar!  Some of you might be saying, "but you're on WW so you can have whatever you want right?"  Correct, I can! :)  BUT... I have to ask myself, "am I fooling my body or fueling my body?"  I can eat a whole jar of peanut butter in a week on WW if I want but is it necessary for the fuel that my body needs to function?  NO!  Quickly think of something that is a vice for you... something that is not lethal but harmful to your life or health... would you put yourself in that situation?  The answer for me is, no.  Maybe one day it will be yes but for right now it is no.  For now I have chosen to fuel my body for health purposes.

There is another side my FUEL not FOOL dilemma.  As a Christian, am I feeding God's holy temple in the way He desires or in the way this world and my flesh desires?  This is the other side that I will explore more next time! 

For now, keep FUELing my friends!

Love,

   Ellie!

"Take Your Mark..."

The famous last words heard before "greatness" is achieved... "Take Your Mark."

Now is my moment... This is it.  I've had it with the excuses.  I know I can achieve freedom from my disease, disorder, struggle, and quite frankly - sin.  I'm tired of not living my life sold out for Christ and not letting Christ fully live in me so I can redeem my freedom from weight, self-image issues, and laziness.

So, I am going to embark on this journey with all of you... my cheerleaders, my friends, my sister (and maybe brothers) who struggle with the same thing.  I pray that my journey will lead others towards Christ and that I might be able to inspire or encourage someone else along the way!

I'm not too sure what God has planned for me but I know that He promises prosperous things and a "future that I can hope for".  Christ didn't come just for the salvation of my soul but of my earthly body... in other words, that I might let Christ live in me as a "holy temple".

My goal is... to work out as much as a can, not giving my self limits but expectations.  To eat healthy as much as I possibly can, not making excuses as to why my body would need junk food... when I obviously know what it tastes like and how I end up wearing it on my body.  To view my self as "fearfully and wonderfully made" in the eyes of The Beholder.  To go to Christ in temptation, for no one knows it better than He.  To give myself grace when I deserve, especially when I don't think I need it yet Christ is telling me to.  To spend time every morning, afternoon, and evening drenching myself in the Word of God to etch His words on my heart.  To be thankful for every "healthy" step that I already take every day... knowing that not everyone is as "whole" as I am yet they have far more courage than I to make it!  To be motivated and to motivate others, to be encouraged by God's word and to encourage others!  To live in Christ every single day!



Thank you to my husband for loving my just the way I am but wanting the same goals that I want!  May I be the wife that you deserve, healthy and all, every day of our lives!

Thank you Maria for believing that my freedom comes every day, for being the sister in Christ I need at this point in my life!  May I somehow inspire you on this journey as payment for your inspiration!


So... "Loser's... TAKE YOUR MARK..."


"GOOOO!"

Until He calls me home, I'll go DEEPER STILL

This past weekend I had a phenomenal time bonding, worshipping, and learning from the very best with the very best! The new church I have been attending, Parkside, has been more than a blessing to my growth and journey with God! I have had the privilege of listening to Priscilla Shirer and Beth Moore, not only that but I was able to learn from these two women in an abundant and life changing way! Now, I don't mean that it was crazy intense (although some points really were) but it was something so simple and small that will be used in a great way in my daily life. If you know me well, then you already know that I look to Beth Moore as a (distant but close) mentor! It never fails that whether I'm watching her from my computer or a seat in an auditorium called Freedom Hall that I learn from her in any circumstance that I'm in with life! If you have never heard any of her stuff I would highly suggest that you at least give her a try! She is such a blessing upon my life! Priscilla Shirer is a new leader that I will looked towards, just like Beth! Priscilla is another woman who tells it how it is and teaches straight from the heart! She is also a mini comedian while she gets to speak her mind!

Here are a couple pictures from this weekend... not the best quality but no picture will ever capture what these women did for Parkside's Women Ministry this weekend! Thank you so much for your love and Christ filled hearts ladies, and for all that you've taught me and will continue to teach!